Hate to Love, Or is Hate Love?
Have you ever been so madly in love with someone that you would do anything for them? You convince yourself to over look cheating, abuse, and even ignore them when they scream, “I don’t want to be with you anymore,” resulting in what you think is “make-up” sex. You are not only willing to overlook these things, but denial is your daily attire as you execute the same, blind movement we characterize as love. Remember when it all came crashing down and the truth slapped you to the ground?
Yeah. We’ve all been there. In the moment it all ends, it doesn’t matter what you were beforehand, it all disappears or at least feels like it: independence, beauty, confidence, power and sexiness. All of these things evaporate like the steam from a hot shower. Now, take that same scenario, allow time to pass, and fast-forward to the moment when that person comes back. Doesn’t it just drive you crazy? Of course it does.
The point of this post isn’t to talk about breakups or love, but mainly love in another form, “hate.” Following a tough breakup, it seems that after you’ve experienced the usual stages (denial, anger, depression, anxiety and sadness) hate manages to creep into the equation. But, I’m curious to know its purpose and place. After all, how can one really hate someone that you’ve loved unless he/she committed a heinous crime against you – no, saying I don’t love you and hurting your feelings doesn’t count, even though it feels like it.
Even when you have this “hate” festering in your heart for this person, you still seem to be attached to this individual. Why? It’s very simple. Hate isn’t always hate, but love and attachment in another form. Think about it, it takes energy to delete everything about a person, to refuse to read any text messages, answer any calls, and seek to eradicate and erase any reminders of an individual. When you find yourself screaming, “fuck you” to every thought of that person as your mind revisits those tender moments that stole your heart.
It’s true ladies and gents, we’ve been duped and it seems by everything that tells us that hate is the solution or defines it as something that’s definite antagonism. I’ve had my share of heartbreaks, dramatic or mere blips on the radar. I used to think that hate was a step to deliverance, but when that individual texted, called, or I stumbled across them, I was always shocked when I nearly fainted due to the flood of feelings that swarmed around me. I thought that when I uttered, “I hate ____!” that the resulting confidence and cold neutrality was peace. No, it wasn’t. It was a front; when we give into hate, we re-surrender to love all over again. You still think about that person, you still feign for his/her presence, and, most importantly, you render yourself powerless to their touch.
When we stop hating and begin accepting the pain, confronting the shame, and acknowledge the “mistake” or learning lesson, that’s when we really move on – that’s when you can think about what was, without turning on yourself or going back. That’s true peace.
In the words of Drake from his new album, Take Care, “May your neighbors respect you, trouble neglect you, angels protect you, and heaven accept you.”
Take a shot for me. (click here to listen to the song)
Cheers to love, hate, Kleenex, and love songs in the mix,